Cordelia Chase
by applemysteries
Summary: In Angel Season 5, Cordelia Chase passes away. This is Xander's thoughts on Cordy's death, and Cordy overall.


Authors Note: I loved Xander and Cordy (although I ship both Angel/Cordelia and Anya/Xander more overall) and I thought there romance was so sweet. So, I wrote this fic to display that. (: This does have a slight crossover with Angel but it's really little (such as mentioning characters names) so I'm posting it solely in the Buffy section.

Disclaimer: I wish we'd gotten to see Cordeila's funeral, or further characters thoughts on her death. But since we didn't, I guess that's a big fat clue that Joss Whedon owns AtS and BtVs not me.

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Cordelia Chase.

How to sum her up in only a few words was impossible.

Bitch, Friend, Caring, Mean, Queen, Champion, Saviour, Hero, Annoying, Motherly, Lover, Whining, Heartless, Greedy, Expensive, Tactless, Wonderful, Charming, Smart, Dumb, Amazing, Slendid, Brave.

Cordelia Chase was brave.

Anyone could see that.

Anyone watching the footage that Eve had "painfully" acquired could see that. Even if you were Xander Harris, and hadn't seen her in five years.

Now, standing in a cemetery listening to various people talk about how great Cordelia was it seemed rather surreal.

Xander hadn't even bothered to check up on Cordelia since she had left Sunnydale at the age of eighteen. According to the people here, Cordy had blossomed and matured, and saved the world.

Which brought him to the strange assembly of people here. The L.A. group which consisted of Angel, Wesley, Fred, Gunn, Lorne, Eve, Connor, Harmony and surprisingly Spike. Then, there was the Sunnydale group of himself, Willow, Buffy, Andrew, Faith, Dawn and Giles.

At least he didn't entirely wallow in his guilt of not getting to know the new Cordy. Giles, Andrew, and Dawn hadn't talked to Cordelia Chase in five years either. Buffy hadn't seen her in four. Willow and Faith had it the "hardest" if you went by recent memory rules, they'd each seen her just last year, alive and well. But now, not so much. Cordelia was big with the dead making.

Xander though personally thought that he (out of the Sunnydale group anyway) had reason to miss Cordelia the most. He'd cheated on her, and for all he knew broken her heart. And just when he'd finally began to redeem himself they'd graduated, saved the world, and then she'd left only a few weeks later, without saying good-bye to anyone. It wasn't until she'd been in L.A. for a few weeks that Willow received a clipped voicemail saying:

"Hey, Willow, it's Cordelia and boy isn't it weird for me to be calling your house? I mean, I never called when we were "friends" or saving the world and now here I am calling you… funny that I only feel comfortable calling you once I know there is no way in hell you'll ever see me again. At least not back in Sunnydale. Which brings me to my point, I've left, and nothing on this earth (or you know, other scaly dimensions) can make me return. Tell Xander… tell Xander that I've left will you? I mean, you two are all buddy-buddy so he'd probably found out anyway but this way at least I actually said it you aren't just making it up. Right… well, that's about it. I don't have anything else to say…."

That's how Cordelia had ended her message, it was a long while before the phone actually cut off making Xander wonder what had made Cordelia not hang up immediately, and never look back. Whatever it was he had been grateful then and he was grateful now, the long period of silence seemed to bring Cordelia more to life. Which was an odd thing to be thinking as he was here, attending her funeral.

All of the fancy words random people were saying didn't mean anything. Unless you were part of the L.A. group or the Sunnydale group then you hadn't really known Cordelia Chase at all.

Xander might not have talked to her in five years, but there was one thing he knew that would never change about Cordy. Her personality, her lovable, take-it-or-leave it personality.

One word couldn't describe Cordelia Chase.

One sentence couldn't describe Cordelia Chase.

One whole life time of reflection solely on describing Cordy couldn't describe her.

Cordelia Chase had many layers, many layers with many different levels, with many different personalities.

Cordelia Chase was a complex individual. And Xander both preferred, and loved her exactly that way.

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Reviews are lovely...


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